Sometimes simple is useful!

There is a lot to be said for wisdom that has been proven over time. I can testify to this from my experience this week.

I have spent a lot of my time in and out of our local hospital, after we had to rush my wife there late Tuesday night in an ambulance suffering from acute abdominal pain. It has been potentially a very stressful time. I have been able lessen, but not eliminate my stress by following these simple but profound wise words. 

They come from what is commonly called the Serenity Prayer, which goes like this.

What this has enabled me to do is to focus my emotional and mental energy on the things I can change. Not things that may annoy me, make fearful or angry that are beyond my ability to effect from my position. This was not always easy, but proved a fruitful process for me and my wife. Giving full energy to the things I could do to improve her and my position in this difficult situation.

Yes, she is on the improve at the moment. Thank you.

Sometimes simple is useful!

How wet can you get?

This weekend Auckland had the most amazing weather. We had a “weather bomb” of intense rain. The rain was torrential for 3 days, which is unusual for our part of the world. Parts of the city and other areas in the North Island flooded and were cut off.

 

This sets the scene for a decision making process. I have lost 12 kgs since August last year and have been around my goal weight for about 3 months. I maintain my weight by checking it every day, watching what I eat and walking. Now with the weather it made a small dilemma was I going to walk or not. Now the easy answer is to not to walk. I mean why would you?

There certainly weren't this many people out there!

Well the answer to that is I can’t afford to be put off by the weather with winter coming if I want to maintain my weight where it is. So it comes down to the basic statement as my wife put it “once you’re wet you are wet”. Basically when you are soaked to the skin you can get wet no further and in that rain it did not take that long to achieve that status. So the dog and I went out for a walk for 50 plus minutes.

 

So what is the point of all this:

·         You can’t allow unforeseen things to stop your plans.

·         To achieve your goals you will have to put up with undesirable circumstances and being uncomfortable.

·         These circumstance will tell how important your goal really is to you.

The good news for me is my weight is still within the range I am happy with. I didn’t melt and being wet was nothing that a hot shower and dry clothes didn’t cure afterwards

Stuff happens.

There is a saying that goes “stuff happens,” which is true. A lot of things that happen to us good and bad we just weren’t expecting. Most of the time this event is not the only determinant of what the final result may look like. It is how we decide to deal with it.

Here are 2 simple thoughts:

React or Respond?

Reacting can be as simple as a “gut” call, something instinctive. Often an emotional response as something just happens. From here we may get overreaction when everything can get out of hand quickly. This is not always the way but we run the risk of things turning pear-shaped pretty rapidly if we are not careful.

So what is responding it can be as simple as taking to take a breath and look at the issue from a bit of time distance. Which may be as little as minute or as long as it needs to take the emotion sting out of the situation and respond with the rational mind. This is hopefully a wise place, but no guarantee, you can take all the time in the world and still make a dumb choice!

Problem orientation or solution focus!

It is all about the focus. Where is your mind focussed; on the problem itself or potential solutions to the problem.

When we focus on the problem we can go round and round in circles looking at this issue. Sometimes we get into the blame game and start look something or someone to blame for the problem. Now as a starting place these may have a useful life span of about 5 minutes then after that we just get bogged down, taking huge amount of energy for little viable gain.

If we are solutions focussed the problem just provides the parameters and the solution is where the energy goes. We end up with choices or at least an understanding of why may have only one answer even if we don’t like it. It engages the rational mind into the process and opens up communication, which is always useful.

So when stuff happens, not if stuff happens, you can chose to react or respond. Then chose to problem or solutions orientation. The choice is in fact yours, this is your point of power stepping, away from being victim into the assertive.

Which will you route take? It takes practice but it does work.

 

Valu-able

One of the current trends in coaching and some counselling is the discovery of personal values  which you build a lifestyle framework upon. I personally like this style of planning, living out of your values makes perfect sense to me.




So when it comes to making choices and decisions on of the top priority questions is how does this fit with my values. Do I have to compromise what I believe in.

So the identification of ones values becomes key to forming your framework.

The basic question is what do I value? They may be as varied as appreciation and wealth. This will mean the we value appreciation of ourselves but we also appreciate others. So our decisions on a daily basis will mean that we show appreciation of others as much as possible, it also means that we seek out people who appreciate us. If we were to look at wealth. We might make decisions on how does this effect our existing wealth or will it make us more wealth. We may respect and appreciate people who are wealthy.
Sometimes some of the values would appear to be very similar such appreciation and recognition. The same to have the same basic concept but to me the subtle difference is that appreciation is a private process while recognition may be a more public validation.

So what would be the benefits of this process? There are a couple of key ones for me:

1. This tends to a holistic process that can be overlaid over most aspects of life.
2. It is a process that means we don't have to ruled by our emotions or desires. We apply rational thought to our decisions.
3.  Most the identification processes tend to rank the values in top ten or top five order. This allows you to prioritise decisions when values may appear to be competing. For example when you might value wealth and integrity and your opportunity requires you to bend the rules or law a little. There is a clash of values. So which do you value most your integrity or acquiring wealth. Different people come up with different answers depending on which of the values holds a higher personal standing.

As I said I find this a great way to do life and make decisions it allows to maintain my inner self respect and balance more easily.

The new three R's

Our times are full tension, pressure, hustle and bustle. We are not going to survive well or for long if we can master the new 3 R's. What are they you may well ask, I better know if I am going to learn the them.

I think they are rest, relaxation and refreshment, if we can not learn to master our down time it will disappear like a puff of smoke.



Stop before you drop!!

We live in an age of excess high speed, adrenaline charged activity in work and in play but is that the whole story. Much of this will stimulate the body and the mind. Some may be eager to escape our problems or occupy our mind with something other than what we normally do from the highly charged to the most mundane.

But is this activity the essence of how we are designed? Are we designed live on the edge constantly? Is going till we drop, then collapsing the heart of rest relaxation and refreshment. I think not because these activities are designed to bring life not just survival. We can exist in this frantic mode for a while, then we begin to self destruct.

We need to develop a new rhythm of life that brings life in a way that is sustainable. I am not against activity that gets your adrenaline going. I personally love motor racing, but I don't believe it can be the whole story.
Lets look at the definitions of these words and see if they enlighten us:

Noun: Rest

1.the refreshing quiet or repose of sleep:

a good night's rest.

2.refreshing ease or inactivity after exertion or 

labour:

to allow an hour for rest.

3.relief or freedom, especially from anything that wearies, troubles, or disturbs.

 

Noun: Refreshment

1.   the act of refreshing or the state of 

being refreshed.

2.   something that refreshes, especially 

food or drink.

. Noun: Relaxation

1. abatement or relief from bodily or mental work, effort, application, etc.

2. an activity or recreation that provides such relief; diversion; entertainment.

3. a loosening or slackening.

4. diminution or remission of strictness or severity.

 

I believe there are some major keys in here and each is slightly different.

Rest is about allowing regeneration of the body and mind to happen. Most common in sleep but also other ways, 
just being still and quiet brings a new dimension in a noise soaked world.

Refreshment is about connection and community with friends and family. We were designed to be in community food and drink can be wonderful focuses that allow us to enjoy each other in a healthy way. Notice I am not talking about excess.

Relaxation;  just doing it different: the hobby, the garden, the club, the sport, the pastime or the activity that simply brings life.

How are you going at mastering the new 3R's?.................it could save your life. 
 

I had a plan but..................

As a Life Coach I spend a lot of time working with people to identify vision, make plans and walk them through periods of life. If it always worked out every time, life would be simple. However most things don't go off without a hitch, no matter how well we are coached or planned. Now when that doesn't happen we must engage a skill that can't really be taught. It can be encouraged and coached, but it must be learnt by practice.

That skill is called resilience. Those who succeed have it spades.

The ability to overcome despite the odds, to keep going when it gets really hard. To keep trying experimenting until you get it right. Sounds easy, but so difficult to do and not be discouraged and finally give up. The difference between the winners and the losers. Notice that I used the term loser not beaten. If you are beaten you finally succumb to an overwhelming force, circumstances or situation. Most of us however just give up because we more uncomfortable then we are prepared to deal with. We decide the prize, the vision or final destination in our opinion is not worth the pain. We lost our will or our drive to succeed.

The only way to acquire this skill is the hard way. Through practice, in fact overcoming one day at a time, reaffirming each day that the prize is worth the pain.

So keep practicing with the little things and celebrate your successes, large or small learn to overcome adversity on a daily basis. You never know where you could end up.

Superbowl 51 Magic

I've just watched one of the all time great games of American football in The 51st NFL Super Bowl between the Atlanta Falcons and the New England Patriots. It was to coin a phrase a "Game of Two Halves". The half time score was 21-3 to the Atlanta Falcons, while the final score was 34-28 to the Patriots. At one stage it was it was 28-3 to the Falcons.

Tom Brady: First Quarter Back to win 5 Super Bowls

The Patriots took their chances and took their half chances to see them through in the final quarter to a 28-28 tied game at full time. For the first time in history  a Super Bowl final went into overtime. Tom Brady led his team home in extra time. As with the All Blacks, the game in this case is played for the full 60 minutes and you have to be 70 minute team to be great. When the Falcons were tiring the Patriots were driving forward, it made all the difference.

So as an observer what do I take from this Fairy-tale ending.

1. The game is not over till it is over.
2. Well practiced skills and experience are vital assets.
3. Most things are team activities very few people win on their own.
4. We need to seize the opportunities and chances we are presented with.
5. Strong leadership matters.
6. It is as much about mental fitness as physical fitness and in any endeavour if we are going to make a long term difference, we need both.

These skills are as much needed in life as on a playing field.