Rain Check

As I said in the other blog life operates in seasons. For the moment I feel for me it is time to take a break from writing to do other things. There are a number of other things that I have put aside to facilitate the time spent writing. I have decided that for this season I will focus on them rather than writing my blogs.

So I did not come to this decision easily, but feel it is the best for me. Thank you all my loyal readers it has been a privilege to be able to share with you. I will reevaluate my decision in February 2018.

Know what you know in you knower

There are plenty of people in this world who would like to tell you what to think, what to believe and what to do. In fact people like me who write blogs are doing it all the time.

However it is your prerogative to a decide what you would chose to do, think or believe. I would suggest to this is an important part of you truly becoming real with yourself and others. To develop your values and beliefs is a crucial part of maturity. If that was all that was necessary to become mature than that would be straight forward. For me however the case is not so simple as making decisions or thinking things through. This becomes of little value unless it informs your life and your actions.

I am not really just talking about conventional beliefs such as faith, morality and integrity. It can be as simple as saying a person, a place  or possession is valuable to me. Even in writing last sentence I had to change it around because I put possessions first and to me people are much more important than possessions.

1968 Ford Mustang

Now a case in point, I am a bit of a car buff. I like cars and have owned lots of cars in my time. I have always aspired to own a Ford Mustang.  They are great looking goes really well and are culturally iconic. This would be a kind of hobby, a keeper if you will, a car that you look after carefully and is precious to you. So you can imagine everybody's surprise when I made next decision.

A similar Toyota Levin

My youngest daughter is going to Europe for an extended period so decided to sell her car. A 1996 Toyota Corolla Levin that we have owned for 10 years. We bought the car with 33,000 km on the speedometer and now it has a 163000km on it. My daughter an I have spent an extraordinary amount of time in that car over the last 10 years doing things together. So I decided that I would rather have the Corolla than a Mustang because there is such an emotional connection to the car. I put my value of my family and people first,  so I find value in this car. The cars has dents, faded paint and scratches some of which I helped put there. It holds so many memories for me. So many would say this is not really a smart choice, giving up my dream, but for me it is the right choice because I can cherish it and will  keep just as it is.

No matter what anybody says to me I know I have made the right choice because I know what I value, I believe in and what I want to do. You see I had already made a choice once before and bought an iconic car that I had always wanted since I was teenager. It was great in some ways, but once I had owned it for a while I hardly ever used it because I had no emotional connection and in the end sold after a couple of years. The Levin makes me smile whenever I get into and I will just drive around the corner in just for the sheer joy it.

Know who you, are and live that way.

"All the world's a critic"

The saying goes "All the world's a critic" and to a certain extent it is true. We all have to deal with criticism in our daily lives
Some of it well done and others not so well done.
Some of it will seem to be personal attack and it may well be.
Others will feel like a personal attack but is not intentional just done by someone who lacks personal skills.

We can not control the way the criticism is delivered or the intent. All we can do is control how we respond to the criticism. Will it grow us, will it wound us, will it wound us then eventually grow us. This reminded me of an old story:

The Donkey and the Well: A Fable for Our Time

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out a way to get him out. Finally he decided it was probably impossible and the animal was old and the well was dry anyway, so it just wasn't worth it to try and retrieve the donkey. So the farmer asked his neighbours to come over and help him cover up the well. They all grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the well.


At first, when the donkey realised what was happening he cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down and let out some happy brays. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well to see what was happening and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was shaking it off and taking a step up. (Shifting)

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he continued to shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, to everyone's amazement, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!

We are all going to receive criticism. Some of it we deserve, some of it we won't, but in the end it is what we do with it that counts. Will we we allow it to be a springboard to growth or will we allow it to wound us or stunt us?

So next time you feel or know you are being criticised remember the Donkey and Well. Will it bury you or will it be a stepping stone to growth. Ultimately the responsibility for your choice is yours not the critics.

Well ...........what's next?

As  a coach I spend al lot of time helping people come up with plans. However for the procrastinators amongst us,(Myself being one) this can be where we rest, if we are not careful. We feel we have achieved when we have made a plan. The emphasis is on feel. However we can not rely on our feelings, they can be deceitful. I have had to learn this lesson the hard way. We must allow the rational mind to start to at least ask some questions.

Such as: What is the the next step?



This opens up a whole new world because no matter how good or bad it looks there is ALWAYS SOMETHING THAT CAN BE A NEXT STEP.




I just love Winston Churchill's great words:

"Success is nor final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts"




So what is you next step?

Look around you, there is something that can be done.

They are usually small steps, but some may feel large. If it seems too big break it down to smaller steps.

If life is bad. What can I do today, no matter how small. Can I move forward? Then tomorrow may become easier.

If I can't answer this question. Who can I ask for help that may make this next step more obvious, more achievable or just a little less lonely!

If life is good how can I capitalise on my momentum?


Well what's next for you? Remember you only have 24 hours in day. What can you possibly achieve today?

Learning our ABC's

As a coach it is important understand the cultural and technical context we function in. Our cultural and technical world is constantly changing so it becomes increasingly important that we keep up. There is a high probability that we may chose to operate within a certain societal sector or vocational sector. However I still believe however we should have a reasonable idea of what the rest of our society is up to.

Hence my statement that we need to keep up with our ABC's. 

Always

Be

Current (as you can)

This in someways seems easier said than done as you get a little older. Especially in the field of technology. Everything seems to be constantly changing and I must say I struggle to keep up on occasions with technology. The idea of having people who help you in this area makes a lot of sense. There are also times where you have to change mentors. My youngest daughter has usually taken the role for me in technology. However I have made the move across to a Mac based platform with mac computer, ipads and iphones interconnected. Which means I now need the support of my son who is the "Mac Whiz". It has proved an amazing shift having all my devices in sink. I have been a long time i phone user but have had a Samsung laptop and android tablet. This made connectivity between platforms difficult.

I must say it has a lot a freedom that I did not understand before. Because the rest of my children are high end Apple users we can now have a family calendar which is much easier to use. My youngest daughter is now going to Europe and Britain for an indefinite period, but having made this technological upgrade it doesn't feel quite so bad as we will be able to stay in touch much more easily. Now I do not claim to be a digital native but having started a new journey feels good.

When we step beyond technology and into general New Zealand, we may not agree with all that happens around us, but sticking our heads in the sand won't change anything. There is a statement that "knowledge is power," so making efforts stay current  is very useful. You can't agree or disagree with something you don't know about!

Whether we like it or not change is a constant so at least have an informed decision process while being true to who you are and and your own values.

(Written on a Mac)

One foot in front of the other

When you are working as a coach there is so much that you know that you kind of forget until you have to use it again on yourself. It is not as often when you get older that you get to try something that you have never attempted before. Something genuinely new! (Unless it is technology)

Well I had that experience this weekend. A really close friend of my daughters who we look upon as part of the family, another daughter if you will, asked me to take her wedding as the celebrant. This was something I had never considered before, but felt that it was the right thing to do. So I decided to give it a go.

I had had some experiences that were going to make this task easier than starting from scratch. So it became a matter of drawing on those experiences to help me in the situation. The first thing I had to do was actually go through the legal process of becoming a wedding celebrant.This was a matter of just working through the the procedures that were necessary.

I have literally just completed Loree's wedding and we had a fabulous day. Some of that was down to using the resources around me. I have a friend who is a celebrant and she was able to mentor me through the process. She shared resources and checked through preparations that I had made. I had worked through the process well by the time that the day arrived.

That is my point we need not fear new situations if we have done our preparations well. When we have done everything we possibly can going into a new situation, it helps to build confidence. This means that we have done all that can be done with what we have, before we start. For me this meant having completed a script of what I was going to say, compiling folders for my script and for the two certificates to be signed in.  Having both of the folders checked by my mentor meant that the procedures had been checked the necessary equipment had been checked.


I had done all that was possible in that situation and in the end the result was fabulous. This with all the preparations complete it just came down to using the particular skills and experiences already had to ensure that the experience was successful. There are very few situations you can not find and apply previous experience and skills to help build your confidence and prospects of success.



Previous skills and experience + sound preparation = confidence to do well.

Note I do not say guaranteed good result, just optimized conditions.

A simple kind word.

 

I was reminded the other day about the importance of our words. Words can either build up or tear down. Our words are extremely powerful they can last a lifetime for someone else either positively or negatively.

Counsellors and psychologist spend an awful lot of time trying to rectify the damage done by ill-chosen, nasty or downright evil words. It can take years to get over a throwaway line!

I recently had the privilege of spending time with my children, their spouses and my grandchildren. I was able to sow “words of life” to each of them about who they were and the qualities I so appreciated about each of them. I was so amazed at how profound the impact was of a few simple well directed words. Like water on a parched riverbed bringing forth life.

There are so many things out there waiting to tear down those you love, those you like or even those you just spend time with. You can part of the solution or you can be part of the verbal destruction out there, your choice!

It does not take much give a kind word and smile to those you love and those you meet. “I took the road less travelled and it made all the difference”. You may never know the impact your positive words have on others, but I will you tell that you will notice the positive effect it has on you!